Shopping for a new bathroom....
...and I can't believe how bad the copy is. I mean, sites like bathroomheaven may be all about toilets, but the sales blurb is down the pan already.
I mean, how about this for a bidet:
"Smooth curves make this bidet essential!" - Well yes, as opposed to, say, jagged spikes that stick up your bottom
Or a corner bath:
"Thought corner baths were about making a luxurious statement in your bathroom? Think again!" - You're right, baths should be anything but luxurious
There's more.
"Small but perfectly formed, the Avocado comes in two gorgeously shaped sizes." - I wonder if the large size is a more gorgeous shape than the small size?
"Made for mucking about in, the Play makes the most of its internal space with a full triangular bathing area." - I didn't realise the triangle was the basic measure here. And what shape would a partial triangle be, anyway?
"A truly minimal ultra modern back to wall WC with angular lines." - Hope they mean 'minimalist'
"In this section we've collected together a selection of beautifully small baths" - Wow, they really think smallness is the end of the rainbow here
"Enjoy hassle-free showering" - Thank the stars, I usually have such nerve-wracking experiences in there
"The ideal solution for spaces where installing a properly sealed fixed shower enclosure is a problem." - What, this one's designed to be leaky?
"Why stop at just a set of taps for your bath?" - OK, I'll have the go-faster stripes and the rear spoiler too
"Don't just light your bathroom - showcase your style" - Right, better set up that live video feed to the street now
And even the rubber ducks don't escape:
"At 11 inches tall, Big Daddy is king of the Bathroom - this duck is a real monster! He's definitely the most impressive rubber duck we've ever seen." - There's that much competition around is there? Hey, I'm not calling it '11 inch Big Daddy' out loud when I'm in the bath.
Anyone know a good copywriter?
I mean, how about this for a bidet:
"Smooth curves make this bidet essential!" - Well yes, as opposed to, say, jagged spikes that stick up your bottom
Or a corner bath:
"Thought corner baths were about making a luxurious statement in your bathroom? Think again!" - You're right, baths should be anything but luxurious
There's more.
"Small but perfectly formed, the Avocado comes in two gorgeously shaped sizes." - I wonder if the large size is a more gorgeous shape than the small size?
"Made for mucking about in, the Play makes the most of its internal space with a full triangular bathing area." - I didn't realise the triangle was the basic measure here. And what shape would a partial triangle be, anyway?
"A truly minimal ultra modern back to wall WC with angular lines." - Hope they mean 'minimalist'
"In this section we've collected together a selection of beautifully small baths" - Wow, they really think smallness is the end of the rainbow here
"Enjoy hassle-free showering" - Thank the stars, I usually have such nerve-wracking experiences in there
"The ideal solution for spaces where installing a properly sealed fixed shower enclosure is a problem." - What, this one's designed to be leaky?
"Why stop at just a set of taps for your bath?" - OK, I'll have the go-faster stripes and the rear spoiler too
"Don't just light your bathroom - showcase your style" - Right, better set up that live video feed to the street now
And even the rubber ducks don't escape:
"At 11 inches tall, Big Daddy is king of the Bathroom - this duck is a real monster! He's definitely the most impressive rubber duck we've ever seen." - There's that much competition around is there? Hey, I'm not calling it '11 inch Big Daddy' out loud when I'm in the bath.
Anyone know a good copywriter?
posted by chrisworth at 11:37 PM
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